


INSIDE SCOOP!

by rezi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Showbusiness, Gossip, Humanstuck, Multi, magazine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 18:45:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3082307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rezi/pseuds/rezi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>INSIDE SCOOP, the magazine dedicated to getting all the juiciest bits of gossip surrounding the cast of hit TV drama HOMESTUCK to YOU! Take a peek inside for the latest on what all the rising stars who make HOMESTUCK have been up to lately...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. JADE HARLEY FOUND!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mitspeiler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitspeiler/gifts).



> My belated Christmas present (New Year's Day present, I guess?) for mitspeiler! Born of a sleep-deprived Skype chat we had months ago and edited since to fit in with the most recent updates, here it is in fully finished fic form, finally.
> 
> (WARNING: There's a pretty severely flickering image in Chapter 3. People with epilepsy or similar conditions should use the chapter index to skip to Chapter 4 for the text-only version.)

You all know the story. Jade Harley, best known for playing everyone's favorite doggy girl in Homestuck, disappeared a week ago in plain sight. Dave Strider, who was with her at the time and has been suspected of murdering her for the past week, said that she sneezed and then "she just f***in' vanished". Nothing more than that.

Well, whatever the truth is, the breaking news (exclusive to INSIDE SCOOP!) is that she has emerged from the woods unharmed! Yes, that's right: she's alive and she's ready to keep filming episodes of Homestuck - the show must go on!

When we asked her where she'd been, she said she "must have teleported". Blimey! Apparently she's been living in the woods for the past week, making her way back to civilization. It wasn't any trouble finding her way home: she has a "natural sense of space", she says. And we're as relieved as she is that she managed to make her way back home, safe and sound!

And yes, though this may have been the seventeenth time this year it's happened, we're still no closer to finding out what's really going on...


	2. TEREZI'S TROUBLES TO END?

Wow! What a story Terezi's been going through in Homestuck lately! Formulating a plan with her dying breaths, shaping the plot even after death. And though the real-life Terezi isn't likely to be dying any time soon, she's coming through a struggle of her own as well.

On Saturday, Terezi was seen storming out of Gamzee's house. She hasn't been around there since. Rumors say she's broken up with him at last. A good thing too: her life's been on a slippery slope downhill ever since she was first discovered lying down drunk and half-naked in the street. Are those days at an end for her at last?

Now she's rid of Gamzee, who's next for Terezi? There are whispers that she might end up back with her old flame Karkat, but maybe - just like her character - she's decided that she doesn't need him. Or perhaps it's not a "him" she's going for at all...

Whatever happens, we at INSIDE SCOOP will surely keep you up to date on all the latest developments!


	3. ROSE THROWS A PARTY




	4. ROSE THROWS A PARTY [text-only]

Boy, was there a hell of a party at Rose Lalonde's place last night!

Rose (on-screen and off) may be seen as more of a bookworm than a party girl. But that doesn't stop her from really knowing how to drink when she wants to! R̷̡̛̛e̵͢p̕orts coming in (seriously, they do͟n'̡t̡ stop) say that her booze-fuelled party l͜ast night inv́o͟l͞҉v̷͞ed no less than fiv͟͟͝͠ȩ҉̵ #̴͏͡!͠҉҉̢"̡̛͢͜͞£̀͡͏^̕͟ al̴l having a̡̡͟҉n̢̧̧͡ ̴̶̕̕ &̶̢£̵̶͠͝)̧́͘#̵̛͏ in the sw̵̛i҉̶҉m̸͜͡m̴ing p̷ool, an octoṕu̡s̷͞ dressed as ~̷̡́͘͞#҉̷͠!̛́͡£̀́͘$̛͡"̴̛^̷̧&̷̨͝͞͞ f̧͟͝҉o͝͝ŗ̡͏̧t̴y-three

[From here on, the text is too obscured to read, covered by black ink and flickering purple majyyks. At the bottom, Rose's handwriting in purple says: "How many times must I tell you to mind your own business?"]


	5. IRONY-CLAD?

Dirk Strider doesn't dress to impress. He dresses to confuse, confound and confuddle.

Remember last week's INSIDE SCOOP, in which we bewildered you all with those pictures of his latest odd outfit? How we reported on him leaving the Homestuck studios dressed entirely in limited edition Dirk Strider merchandise? Well, today he's gone one better.

Yes, readers: Dirk Strider has been sighted wearing clothes made _entirely_ from the photos we published last week! He seems to have stitched together an ensemble from magazine clippings, clothed in pictures of himself clothed in clothes themed around himself... it makes our heads ache just to even think about it!

Now, the question we're all asking is probably something along the lines of "why???" Well, we reckon we've got a few ideas as to why he's chosen to suit himself so bizarrely. Maybe he's vain enough to think that one of him just isn't enough, so he shows us a hundred more every time he comes into eyeshot? Or maybe he's demonstrating his character's twisted concept of "irony" -- in quotes, seeing as we're not even sure how ironic it truly is. It probably makes sense to him though. 

And Dirk being Dirk, he'll undoubtedly show up next week in a top that tops even this. We'll keep you posted on the details...


	6. ADVERTISEMENT: VRISKY BUSINESS

Heyyyyyyyy! So I'm sure you've all been loving Homestuck lately, right? I bet you all love my character's new look! And aren't she and Meenah just so cute together? Now, I know what you're all thinking: what's going on in real life? Is it all that lovey-dovey between us two behind the scenes as well? Not telling :::;)

But that doesn't mean I'm keeping everything in my private life a sekret! No, I'm not THAT mean. All you have to do to get your Serket fix is to log onto my sponsor company 888.com (owned by CrockerCorp Ltd.), enter the code SPINNERET and pay in at least $20, and I'll give you access to my PERSONAL BLOG where I write about all the stuff I get up to! And there are some incredibly interesting things on there already, believe me!

See you thereeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Vriska xxxxxxxx


	7. ERIDAN AND FEFERI'S BREAKUP: CONTINUED!

Yes, we said last week's INSIDE SCOOP would be the last we'd tell you about this, but Eridan insists on telling us more and more! Our intrepid reporter (he has to be intrepid to withstand the sheer force of that angst!) seems to have become quite a source of comfort to Eridan lately, saying that he is the only one to care about him any more and that "all the other magazines have moved on". Well, as long as there's news on the situation, we'll report it for all of you to read!

According to Eridan, Feferi was "the only one who really understood [him], except she didn't". He then went on to speculate that "our breakup in the show doomed [their] real-life romance for sure," repeating the word "doomed" a few times and then beginning to sob into his cape. Blimey! He continued to say that "nobody loves me any more", despite the fact that there were a literal dozen fans clamoring outside the doors to even catch a glimpse of him. Who do we pity here: Eridan or his Erifans?!

Eridan concluded the discussion by trying to seduce our intrepid reporter. "Intrepid" has never described him more accurately than when he had to go through that. He is truly the bravest of men.

Feferi herself provided no comment.


End file.
